broadcast me a joyful noise

Um, I have been saving up all of my Iron Man fic recs until I've actually READ all the ones I've bookmarked to read, but this one deserves its own post.

The Value of Secrets by mayatawi. Tony/Jarvis.

"Hey, Decepticon," he said, still staring at the screen. "If I asked you nicely to stop putting your hand up my skirt, would you actually do it?"

"You're not wearing a skirt, sir. Though I do think you could pull one off admirably."

Tony squinted. "Did you just compliment my legs?"

"I wouldn't dream of it. I'm sure your legs are perfectly mediocre."

"Okay, did you just insult my legs? Don't answer that. Nice evasion. Hands off the goods, Jarvis, and I know you don't have hands, and if you pull that pedantic bullshit again I'm turning you into a twelve-year-old girl."

"I would be willing to develop a fondness for unicorns."

Tony scowled at the monitor. "If you had balls, I'd kick you in 'em."

The character voices are what make this one special. Okay, that and it's amazingly hot.

Weirdly, despite the fact that I got a good result on the RFA, I feel more reassured about my progress in the course by the fact that I totally aced today's mock-OSCE (Objective Structured Clinical Examination) on vital signs and infection control. It's one thing to have a piece of paper tell you that you're good at memorising facts, it's another to walk into a room, pull out your stethoscope, and assess someone for postural hypotension with complete confidence that you know your shit.

Right now I have reading and research to do, but consider this a statement of intent:

Tony opened his mouth and realised that there was just no good way to tell your best friend that your semi-sentient housekeeping software and your personal assistant were bullying you with warm blankets and soup. Besides, Jarvis would hear it all anyway, and then be politely sarcastic at him about it for days.

"Well," he stalled. "I mean -- oh, that's the CIA on the other line, talk to you later buddy alright?"

He slammed the phone shut and spent some time staring at it, half expecting it to leap out of his hand and beat him around the head for being such a colossal dumbass. After a couple of minutes, he turned it off.