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I hate fandoms
4 Aug 2003 07:05 pmOkay. Not hate. Will love them again tomorrow, I'm sure. But for now, I am incredibly depressed and disillusioned with myself because I made the mistake of surfing the LJs, sites and fics of the YnM Fandom Queens, those who have been in the fandom FOREVER and know everything and have HTML SKILLZ and archives and beta-groups, for far too long. Opened my eyes to a few facts:
* Everyone but me can DRAW, goddammit! Fanart galore. I can't even make something look good when it's original, let alon COPYING something. I refuse to practice because I have to look at my own shit. I realise that this is my fault and no-one else's. Yes, I'm whinging. Sorry.
* Everyone knows each other and has for ages. Actually, I think I'll take this point back because it's immature and silly and the YnM fandom is probably GOOD because it's so (comparitively) small. But it's also tightknit and while I've been game to add a few people as friends I can't exactly impose myself on huge amounts of people at once without feeling stupid and like an intruder. Problem being, of course, that everyone is so bloody nice and intelligent and INTERESTING PEOPLE! Would be kind of easier if I could HATE THEM ALL and, you know, flame their fics anonymously and write scathing reviews on their sites. But then, I wouldn't want to join the fandom UNLESS it was run by nice people. I'm talking in circles, aren't I? I'll move on now.
* The clincher. I am reaching the unpleasant conclusion that I have no idea what I'm talking about. Overconsumption of fanfics has blended fanon with canon in my mind, especially when I'm missing half the episodes and I've never looked at the manga in my life. I lack experience, proper knowledge, practice, and the only thing I have going for me as far as originality goes is that I write Tsuzuki's POV, which is rare. Fucking yay for me. An actual ability to write isn't going to get me very far when I'm just found out I'm bullshitting through my teeth.
The only ray of hope I see at the moment is the fact that the YnM fandom doesn't have a ficbitch. I'd be bloody DECIMATED.
...I think I'll go and depress myself futher by reading episode summaries for the rest of the bloody Devil's Trill. I NEED to find out about those damn wings, because part of Shields looks suspiciously like it's about to become invalid. I hate that stupid demon whose name I can't spell.
*rereads entry and winces* Ouch. I think I may have severely offended some of my wonderful new friends and possibly pissed off everyone who ever knew me EVER with my childish whinging. Tomorrow, or possibly later tonight, we return to your regularly scheduled egotistical Freya, complete with "HAHA! SHIELDS IS SO COOL! I LOVEXORS EVERYONE! I HAVE LOVELY YAMI FRIENDS!"
In the meantime, maybe people would like to review TNIAY for a while and cheer me up? TINK? MEL? *glares*
* Everyone but me can DRAW, goddammit! Fanart galore. I can't even make something look good when it's original, let alon COPYING something. I refuse to practice because I have to look at my own shit. I realise that this is my fault and no-one else's. Yes, I'm whinging. Sorry.
* Everyone knows each other and has for ages. Actually, I think I'll take this point back because it's immature and silly and the YnM fandom is probably GOOD because it's so (comparitively) small. But it's also tightknit and while I've been game to add a few people as friends I can't exactly impose myself on huge amounts of people at once without feeling stupid and like an intruder. Problem being, of course, that everyone is so bloody nice and intelligent and INTERESTING PEOPLE! Would be kind of easier if I could HATE THEM ALL and, you know, flame their fics anonymously and write scathing reviews on their sites. But then, I wouldn't want to join the fandom UNLESS it was run by nice people. I'm talking in circles, aren't I? I'll move on now.
* The clincher. I am reaching the unpleasant conclusion that I have no idea what I'm talking about. Overconsumption of fanfics has blended fanon with canon in my mind, especially when I'm missing half the episodes and I've never looked at the manga in my life. I lack experience, proper knowledge, practice, and the only thing I have going for me as far as originality goes is that I write Tsuzuki's POV, which is rare. Fucking yay for me. An actual ability to write isn't going to get me very far when I'm just found out I'm bullshitting through my teeth.
The only ray of hope I see at the moment is the fact that the YnM fandom doesn't have a ficbitch. I'd be bloody DECIMATED.
...I think I'll go and depress myself futher by reading episode summaries for the rest of the bloody Devil's Trill. I NEED to find out about those damn wings, because part of Shields looks suspiciously like it's about to become invalid. I hate that stupid demon whose name I can't spell.
*rereads entry and winces* Ouch. I think I may have severely offended some of my wonderful new friends and possibly pissed off everyone who ever knew me EVER with my childish whinging. Tomorrow, or possibly later tonight, we return to your regularly scheduled egotistical Freya, complete with "HAHA! SHIELDS IS SO COOL! I LOVEXORS EVERYONE! I HAVE LOVELY YAMI FRIENDS!"
In the meantime, maybe people would like to review TNIAY for a while and cheer me up? TINK? MEL? *glares*