spirits

[fahye]

Now greet me with your red wine evening face,
all flushed and bitter-warm, all drowning smells
and dusk. Decant yourself to my embrace
and sing to me of languid caramels
with rising floral notes. Now give to me
your champagne laugh that catches just below
the nose and sizzles there in ecstasy
then dissipates into the blood. Now show
your amber tones for all they're worth; now burn
me with your brandy tastes. Dive smooth and sweet
into my inner self and then return,
ensnare my hands and paralyse my feet
'til I am heady with your words and caught
by darker acid pulls, eyes low, breath taut.

Comments

[schiarire.livejournal.com]

Oh, poetry. It says something about me that on the first read or two I thought this was free verse. (It also says something about your knack for, e.g., rhyming without seeming like you're rhyming.) I should have known you better!

It's good, but not quite to my taste. I suggest adapting "by darker acid pulls" to a variant on "by acid darkly pulling," which doesn't scan, but which will perhaps spur you to . . . whatever it is you are looking for?

*so out of her depth. glad that Emma got here first*