![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
This Actually Happened
Dad: It's for you.
Me: Hello?
Scottish accent: Hello, Ms Ashman?
Me (polite on-the-phone voice): Yes, that's me.
Scottish accent, at warp speed, with no apparent pauses for breath: Hello, my name is Kenny and as a valued member of the Doubleday Fantasy Book Club we'd like to ask you about reactivating your account and we're offering as a special once-only offer to send you a free book as well as $80 worth of vouchers and upgrading you to VIP membership which can save you up to 25% on every title and also give you free postage for the duration of your membership.
Me: *blinkblinkblink, rather liking the bit about free postage because postage is a bitch* Could you please hold for a minute or so?
Scottish Kenny: Uh...of course.
Mum and I: Have a rambly discussion about the merits of this idea. Basically, my membership was deactivated because I was meant to buy something every four months and I did, in fact, not. Eheh. If I rejoin I have to buy six items in twelve months. We decide it's not worth it, really.
Me: Hello, are you there?
Scottish Kenny, with desperate enthusiasm: Yes!
Me: Um, I don't think I'll be buying anything more, thank you?
Scottish Kenny, at some new mindblowing improvement upon warp speed: Are you sure? Tell you what, we can send you this month's magazine, and I think you'll be impressed by the prices, and we'll send along that free book and those vouchers and if you still really want to cancel you can just say no Kenny, that's all right, and write CANCEL on the invoice, and we'll just say thank you for letting us into your house and looking at our offers, and let you keep the book.
Me:
Scottish Kenny: So, what do you say?
Me: *attempting to see downside*
Little materialistic corner of brain: FREE BOOK FREE BOOOOOOOOOK
Me: Okay, sure.
Mum: *making frowny motions, obviously afraid I have agreed to sell my soul in exchange for a signed copy of Going Postal*
Scottish Kenny: Right, well, what free book would you like? We have a few on offer... *goes off into enthusiastic rendition of a list of books of which I have never heard ever*
Me: *listens bemusedly*
Mum: *makes exceedingly unhelpful 'chatter chatter' motions with her hands, laughing*
Me: *makes hastily stifled snorting noises near the phone*
Scottish Kenny: *sounding a little less sure of himself* ...so, what would you like?
Me: *floundering* Um, the only one I've heard of is Eragon, so I'd like that.
Scottish Kenny: Would you like to know what it's about?
Mum: *'chatter chatter'*
Me: No! No, that's fine! Thank you!
Scottish Kenny: Okay, thanks for your time!
Mum: What was he saying?
Me: *explains FREE BOOK deal*
Mum: Why did you keep listening?
Me: *guiltily* He was Scottish...
~
So. Yeah. Free book for me! Which I can read and then sell if I don't like it! And if I do decide to rejoin then I'll just offer to buy books for everyone I know to make up my quota, because, dude, free postage!
Suckers.
*is bargain whore and will probably be taken advantage of by vacuum cleaner salespeople in later life*
ETA: My father has agreed to buy me an iPod and a dress watch for Christmas, thus neatly ending all indecision dramas. (Those being basically my only Christmas presents from my immediate family, but they're all I really want, so I'm happy.) He also offered to buy me something if I'm Dux, but I felt kind of queasy at that idea, because a) it's not going to happen, the AST is biased towards humanities students, and b) that sort of puts me in the same boat as people who get paid for every A they get. I'd like to think I have a bit more pride in my ability and work ethic than that.
I said he could take me out to dinner if it happened, so he didn't feel bad. And because whee, dinner. I'm pathetic.
no subject