fahye | (no subject)

Inspired by the inestimable

schiarire. Chem notes gone wild. Full of injokes that will make no sense except to... me *is pathetic*

I'll just pretend that it's helping me study.

Also: Ji and I are pretentious, yo.

~ ON AN OIL RIG ~

Daniell: My battery is sparklier than yours. Spontaneous redox creates energy! I SHALL SELL THE MOVIE RIGHTS!

Leclanche: ...it's two beakers and some wires, Daniell.

Daniell: Yes! Its beauty lies in its simplicity!

Leclanche: And it is useful precisely how?

Daniell: *mumble can light up tiny light bulbs 'n stuff mumble*

Leclanche: Mine can actually be stuck in things like Walkmans. That are, you know, practical.

Daniell: ...stfu

Leclanche: I win.

Some random: *invents the dry alkaline battery* Behold the superior performance of my concentrated electrolyte!

Leclanche: Shit

Some other random: *invents the lead-acid battery* Behold the rechargeable battery of the future, ie. motor vehicles!

Leclanche: ...

Daniell: Want to get drunk?

Leclanche: Hell yes.

~ SOMEWHERE ELSE ~

Le Chatelier: Look, everyone! If you add something to this equilibrium system it tries to use it up!

Everyone: Uh, yeah. We've known that for years. That's COMMON SENSE.

Le Chatelier: And if you heat it up, it uses the heat energy!

Everyone: *grits their teeth and buys a semiautomatic*

Le Chatelier: I shall put it into fancy words and name it after myself! And when I'm dead they shall remember me as the man who invented the equilibrium principles!

Everyone: You can't invent rules of nature, TWAT. And funny you should mention being dead...

~ IN A RANDOM LAB ~

Bronsted: What an amazing theory we have come up with, Lowry!

Lowry: Indeed we have, Bronsted!

Bronsted: We shall call it the Bronsted Theory of Acids and Bases!

Lowry: ... That's a really inelegant name for a theory.

Bronsted: And you can come up with a better one?

Lowry: Well, yes... *suggests the obvious*

Lewis: Why don't you just call it after BOTH of you? Bronsted-Lowry?

Lowry: Or Lowry-Bronsted.

Bronsted: Are you kidding? That makes it sound like we're married. And this is our poor kid being stuck with a double-barreled surname. And why are you looking at me funny?

Lewis: On the subject of theories, I came up with this -

Freya: NO LEWIS THEORY ON UNIT OUTLINE MOVING RIGHT ALONG

~ TRALALA RUNNING OUT OF LOCATIONS ~

Bastard Who Invented pH: *chokegurgledie*

Freya: *smirks and lowers garotte wire*

~ IMPRESSIONIST EUROPE ~

Renoir: ARGH, my back!

Dufy: ARGH, my arthritis!

Klee: ARGH, my unpronouncable joint problem!

Monet: ...you guys are pathetic.

Dufy: Yeah, well, your pictures are boring and earthy. Look at our vibrant yellows and reds!

Monet: Yes. And notice my lack of ill health.

PhD students from the future: OOOH! *make connection*

Monet: And the moral is, don't lick your paintbrush if you're a pretentious git who likes using cadmium pigments.

~ SOME YEARS LATER ~

Bohr: Look at my brilliant model for electron configuration! See how accurately I can predict the emission spectra for hydrogen!

Everyone else: Uh, Bohr, it doesn't work for anything BUT hydrogen.

Bohr: And there are orbits! And the atom looks like a tiny solar system!

Makers of clip art: Oooh, cool *create inaccurate but pleasing pictures*

Schroedinger: They're not actually orbits, they're clouds of probability.

Bohr: LALALA NOT LISTENING!

~ ELSEWHERE IN THE ELECTRON BUILDING ~

Pauli: I have a rule!

Hund: I have a rule too!

Pauli: Mine is better!

Hund: Is not!

Pauli: Is too! It's not even a boring old rule, it's a... um... *makes something up* exclusion principle. Yeah. So there.

Science teachers in the future: Pauli and Hund, Pauli and Hund, filling orbitals, blah blah blah Pauli and Hund.

Freya: OMG rivalslash all the way.

~ AND FINALLY ~

Transition metals: can go stuff themselves.