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what's so amazing about really deep thoughts?
(Do I get the Golden Emo award for using Tori Amos lyrics as a subject line? Do I? Do I?)
Anyway. Nny's been doing some interesting musing about bisexuality and the importance of gender, and what with the conservative Federal Government fucking us around as per usual I've been feeling a little self-reflective. No Big Profound Messages, just some stuff that's been floating around in my head as of late.
For those just tuning in: yes, I identify as bisexual, and it's a label that I'm comfortable with. I know a lot of people prefer 'omnisexual' or similar to encompass looser gender issues, or don't like labels at all, but this one sits on me fine. I worked it out/talked it out with/came out to a handful of my closest friends about three years ago - before that I was perfectly happy to be defined as a tolerant straight girl, but I started questioning myself and didn't really take more than a couple of months to make a relatively painless shift. Painless because my friends were nothing but supportive and many of them are gay or bi themselves, and because I knew that it would not be an issue with my family when I told them. I'm now pretty much out to anyone who asks. And anyone who doesn't, as you can see :D
I have never been in a relationship with anyone of either gender and my sexual experience is limited to one french kiss (with a guy I wasn't remotely attracted to, during a game of spin the bottle), but I do not think that this precludes sexual identification. I have a relatively low and very mercurial sex drive, but I have been attracted to members of both sexes. And I do think that gender is important - I find androgyny appealing in males, but rarely in females. This does not mean that I am a Sekrit Lesbian and want everyone to be girly: I don't. But my aesthetic appreciation leans to the pretty side of things more often than not. I adore pretty girls and I don't find heavily built-up men attractive (though Jamie Bamber is kind of changing my mind on that account, bless his biceps). Bisexuality to me means that I think I would be perfectly happy dating a guy OR a girl, though I do tend to go through stages during which I am attracted more (on a purely visual-judgement basis) to one gender. Gender is not irrelevant. Gender is an important part of who someone is.
That said, I don't have a lot of experience with people who identify as genderfluid or trans (![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
not_in_denial is to slap me if I say anything accidentally offensive) and whilst I like to think that I'd be open and accepting and not care, I honestly don't know. If attraction is a rare thing for me, then actual crushes in which personality are considered are even rarer. I've had, uh, 1.5? In my life? And one may be developing at the moment. I am so proud of me.
(Here is where I'd add in the normal disclaimer about my normal reaction to finding out that someone likes me back, which invariably falls under a) immediate disinterest or b) panic attacks, but that's not really what I want to talk about.)
I am not sure if I have ever been in love.
By some schools of thought, this means I haven't. (Though I'm interested to hear other people's views on this.)
I'm fine with that.
You know me. I am most comfortable assessing situations and maintaining standpoints with my sense of reason - my emotions aren't nearly strong enough to build anything on, and my sex drive is unstable. So taking a more objective view; I don't know where I'd like to end up. I have something of an automatic disdain for males that I am trying to get rid of, but...I have less patience for guys, I hold them to high standards and I trust them less easily. I think this has at least a bit to do with why relationships don't happen to me, because I am dismissive and (let's face it) not a particularly nice person in RL, especially with guys, and liking girls is all very well except for the heteronormative assumption that I do apply (and that does apply) in most situations.
I have no rational objection to relationships either casual or long-term, which makes my aversive gut reaction all the more frustrating. I'd like to get married if I find someone compatible, but I do not want to bear and raise children. However, as I was discussing with various people last night, I am very taken with the idea of being a breadwinner. If I married ('married', whatever, let's assume I'm as legal as the law allows) a woman and she wanted to have children, I would be happy to work hard and earn money so that she could stay home or work part-time or whatever. I...I don't think I could have children myself, but I wouldn't be averse to a parental role. If that makes sense.
(Ji says I am a boy from the 1950s. To this I say: well, all the online quizzes that try to guess your gender think I am a guy. But I don't have any gender issues, so...sure, maybe I have masculine ideals. MAYBE THIS MAKES ME SEXIST. Oh, I don't know.)
For the moment, most of this is academic. I would like to be in a relationship, but I think if I wanted it enough I would be more active in seeking one out, stupidly high standards and crazy emotional aversions or no. For now it's not a priority, just something that would be nice if it happened, but my relationship-cravings are getting steadily stronger.
This does not make me any less angry about the attacks on same-sex unions that are occurring all over the place, because one day I damn well MIGHT want the legal and financial security - even ignoring the implications for social equality and tolerance for now - that can be gained through whatever model we can get. Maybe I will want to raise children with my partner. I'd like to be able to do that without moving to sodding Canada.
Though I do hear Canada is very nice.
Thoughts?
Anyway. Nny's been doing some interesting musing about bisexuality and the importance of gender, and what with the conservative Federal Government fucking us around as per usual I've been feeling a little self-reflective. No Big Profound Messages, just some stuff that's been floating around in my head as of late.
For those just tuning in: yes, I identify as bisexual, and it's a label that I'm comfortable with. I know a lot of people prefer 'omnisexual' or similar to encompass looser gender issues, or don't like labels at all, but this one sits on me fine. I worked it out/talked it out with/came out to a handful of my closest friends about three years ago - before that I was perfectly happy to be defined as a tolerant straight girl, but I started questioning myself and didn't really take more than a couple of months to make a relatively painless shift. Painless because my friends were nothing but supportive and many of them are gay or bi themselves, and because I knew that it would not be an issue with my family when I told them. I'm now pretty much out to anyone who asks. And anyone who doesn't, as you can see :D
I have never been in a relationship with anyone of either gender and my sexual experience is limited to one french kiss (with a guy I wasn't remotely attracted to, during a game of spin the bottle), but I do not think that this precludes sexual identification. I have a relatively low and very mercurial sex drive, but I have been attracted to members of both sexes. And I do think that gender is important - I find androgyny appealing in males, but rarely in females. This does not mean that I am a Sekrit Lesbian and want everyone to be girly: I don't. But my aesthetic appreciation leans to the pretty side of things more often than not. I adore pretty girls and I don't find heavily built-up men attractive (though Jamie Bamber is kind of changing my mind on that account, bless his biceps). Bisexuality to me means that I think I would be perfectly happy dating a guy OR a girl, though I do tend to go through stages during which I am attracted more (on a purely visual-judgement basis) to one gender. Gender is not irrelevant. Gender is an important part of who someone is.
That said, I don't have a lot of experience with people who identify as genderfluid or trans (
not_in_denial is to slap me if I say anything accidentally offensive) and whilst I like to think that I'd be open and accepting and not care, I honestly don't know. If attraction is a rare thing for me, then actual crushes in which personality are considered are even rarer. I've had, uh, 1.5? In my life? And one may be developing at the moment. I am so proud of me.(Here is where I'd add in the normal disclaimer about my normal reaction to finding out that someone likes me back, which invariably falls under a) immediate disinterest or b) panic attacks, but that's not really what I want to talk about.)
I am not sure if I have ever been in love.
By some schools of thought, this means I haven't. (Though I'm interested to hear other people's views on this.)
I'm fine with that.
You know me. I am most comfortable assessing situations and maintaining standpoints with my sense of reason - my emotions aren't nearly strong enough to build anything on, and my sex drive is unstable. So taking a more objective view; I don't know where I'd like to end up. I have something of an automatic disdain for males that I am trying to get rid of, but...I have less patience for guys, I hold them to high standards and I trust them less easily. I think this has at least a bit to do with why relationships don't happen to me, because I am dismissive and (let's face it) not a particularly nice person in RL, especially with guys, and liking girls is all very well except for the heteronormative assumption that I do apply (and that does apply) in most situations.
I have no rational objection to relationships either casual or long-term, which makes my aversive gut reaction all the more frustrating. I'd like to get married if I find someone compatible, but I do not want to bear and raise children. However, as I was discussing with various people last night, I am very taken with the idea of being a breadwinner. If I married ('married', whatever, let's assume I'm as legal as the law allows) a woman and she wanted to have children, I would be happy to work hard and earn money so that she could stay home or work part-time or whatever. I...I don't think I could have children myself, but I wouldn't be averse to a parental role. If that makes sense.
(Ji says I am a boy from the 1950s. To this I say: well, all the online quizzes that try to guess your gender think I am a guy. But I don't have any gender issues, so...sure, maybe I have masculine ideals. MAYBE THIS MAKES ME SEXIST. Oh, I don't know.)
For the moment, most of this is academic. I would like to be in a relationship, but I think if I wanted it enough I would be more active in seeking one out, stupidly high standards and crazy emotional aversions or no. For now it's not a priority, just something that would be nice if it happened, but my relationship-cravings are getting steadily stronger.
This does not make me any less angry about the attacks on same-sex unions that are occurring all over the place, because one day I damn well MIGHT want the legal and financial security - even ignoring the implications for social equality and tolerance for now - that can be gained through whatever model we can get. Maybe I will want to raise children with my partner. I'd like to be able to do that without moving to sodding Canada.
Though I do hear Canada is very nice.
Thoughts?
no subject
IS IT JAVE?
I feel even more asexual than usual after reading that. :P You know my general thoughts about physical attractiveness versus personality.
For some reason you playing the breadwinner role - wearing the pants, as such - makes a lot of sense to me. I could never imagine you as a housewife, but having a housewife/househusband seems to fit the picture well . :D
no subject
no subject
It is! Though at the moment it's pretty much a 'you're cute' + 'seems nice' + 'can dance', which is not exactly a very concrete basis for Serious Relationship Thoughts but is certainly better than nothing.
I look good in pants.