not-a-meme?

[fahye]

schiarire and I were talking yesterday and she pointed out to me that my journal is very much an external reflection of myself: it's becoming increasingly fandom oriented, and the few Real Life Events I talk about are things that happen to me.

There is a good reason for this; namely, that I am not much good with my own internal workings. However. I'm better at the internal stuff than I was, and I wouldn't mind getting even better. And something a little less superficial on my LJ wouldn't go amiss, I think.

So!

Is there anything that you want to know about me? And how I work? Apart from the fact that I am a stressed science student who is easily excited by shiny scifi telly?

I can't promise I'll answer any question you put to me, but most things should be fair game. You don't have to be profound or anything - if you haven't been hanging around my LJ long you might not know much about me at all. Consider this a mutant version of the 'ask me anything!' meme, if you like.

Comments

[nextian.livejournal.com]

*intriiiigued*

How do you think your roleplaying is a reflection of what you already have in you? How do you think it changes you?

[fahye.livejournal.com]

That is such a good question! Um. I think I'll have to stick with mostly talking about Lucifer for this one, because my handful of other characters haven't really been played enough or don't really reflect me at all, they're more of a writing exercise.

I don't think I really meant for Lucifer to be tied to my own personality to the extent that he is. I realised a few months into the game, when the character had deepened and become more complex, that if I didn't play him for a long time I started snapping at people and feeling frustrated. I'd grown accustomed to having an outlet for my violence and indulging in my own brand of cruelty, and less accustomed to holding them entirely in check. These days I'm coping with that - I'm a little more divorced from the character, I can write him in fic if I don't have the time to RP - but sometimes there are still violence issues.

I joke a bit about how sometimes I think I'm turning into him (Chianti is the only red wine I like, and I literally picked up the habit of tapping my fingers on things FROM MY OWN CHARACTER which is a bit ridiculous) but the parallels are there. I don't know which of us started sitting on tables first. It may not be unconscious - I can look at aspects such as holding to one's word and one's own idea of honour and think: that's admirable. That's something I'd like to see in myself.

There are quite a few significant differences - Lucifer plays games, a lot, and I tend to prefer cutting through bullshit. I like to think I'm not that selfish. God knows I can't read people nearly as well as he can.

I like playing him and I expect I will continue playing him more than anyone else because there is absolutely no expectation of romance. I am not a romantic by nature, and writing romance in fic is something I can handle - if it's subtle, unstated, or unconventional - but writing it in an RP way is not. Emergence of deep relationships in which I am expected to uphold one end is something that makes me panic in real life, and RP can evoke a mild version of the same reaction.

~

Actually, Kenneth (Wasteland) deserves a mention. Kenneth reflects...the fact that writing and words might not be the first thing I think of in every situation, but they're pretty close. He's my survival instinct and my emotional independence. I really want to play him some more this summer because I think he has the potential to shape me in some new ways.

[emmlet.livejournal.com]

Did-a-chick?




sorry, prompted by entry title and i actually think i will have real questions when have slept but... oh, here's one. are you always going to live in OSTRAILAAAR?

[littledust.livejournal.com]

Kiiiind of stealing paying homage to the above question.

What drives you to create? Are these creations self-revelatory, or do they exist wholly outside yourself, or somewhere in between?

And just for kicks, tell me whatever nifty things you feel like sharing about your field of study.

[fahye.livejournal.com]

I knew somebody would say that. I think I was tossing up whether it would be you or Shati :D



I don't know! I think it's a fantastic place to live, but I WOULD like to live somewhere else if only for a) the experience, and b) being CLOSE to SOMETHING that isn't A LOT OF ISLANDS.

But I want to be a doctor and going by what my parents say the American medical system is unpleasantly cut-throat. I also don't know if I like the American political climate well enough to live there. I would LOVE to live in Britain simply for proximity to Europe/lots of awesome historical stuff, and I could get my dual citizenship renewed without much trouble. I am not sure how feasible simply packing up and moving myself to England would be - not sure how transferable medical qualifications are - but I would really, really like to live there one day.

[fahye.livejournal.com]

Creation is, to me, one of the most important things there is. One of the most important things we can possibly do. I create because if I didn't my life would be...well, hollow is a fairly dramatic word, but it'll do.

I quite honestly don't think I could put my finger on the things I create coming from inside or out, even though logically I don't really know if the idea of muses or some great floating mass of creative energy is QUITE feasible/ But we don't know everything, we can't know everything, and no metter if it's a serendipitious pattern of neurons firing or something kicked out of my subconscious or a telepathic wave from the sodding sky...sometimes things flow. Sometimes the creative process is intelligent and clinical and no less fun for it, but sometimes it's just flow and beyond explanation.

Hmm. Let's see. At the moment I'm studying for my cell physiology exam but even though *I* find that interesting it's not the kind of thing you can just throw nifty facts out from without assuming a solid grounding in cellular biology, chemistry and physics, so...I'll tell you why I want to do my physician training and specialise in infectious disease. Because there are organisms that can do terrifying, bizarre things to the human body and it isn't even a question of malicious intent or weaponry - it's ecology at it's most basic. And we can learn about them and we can hinder them, we can actually take the human race's power to render other organisms extinct and use it for GOOD. Smallpox was eradicated from all human populations. I think that is one of the most amazing things the human race has done. It's on a par with walking on the moon. I think parasites and viruses and bacteria are absolutely fascinating in their own right, and all we can do is try to race drug resistance and race the appalling hygiene conditions in the developing world and race the fact that diseases can progress faster than we can diagnose them. It's a game. It's a huge, horrible, vital game. And I want to play.

[ryokophoenix.livejournal.com]

Hmmm.

Characters you've seen a little of yourself in - the first six that come to mind. What do you see? And has a character ever made you want to strive to change yourself?

Some lyrics that represent you and....

For kicks, let's play word association! Quick as you can, now!
Watch
Beauty
Detail
Concern
Achievement
Chill
Consequence
Home
Love
Abilities
Leaf
Sickle
Partridge
Your Left Foot

Please note: Really frakking tired.

[fahye.livejournal.com]

You are so weird, Mellsah.

Watch - Thief
Beauty - Night
Detail - Oriented
Concern - Hand
Achievement - Ribbon
Chill - Sunglasses :D
Consequence - Action
Home - Fire
Love - Beat
Abilities - Learn
Leaf - Skeleton
Sickle - Gold
Partridge - Game
Your Left Foot - Red Right Ankle (it's a song)

Lyrics, lyrics. Um. I don't know how representative of ME they are, but they're possibly my favourite lyrics of all time. So I guess they strike...something. In me.

we spend all of our lives going out of our minds
looking back to our birth, forward to our demise
even scientists say everything is just light
not created, destroyed, but eternally bright
masters in every time, lord in every place
those who stood up for love, down in spite of the hate

Six characters I've seen something of myself in, but none of which I am as cool as:

- Snow White (Fables comics)
- Charlotte Gabel (An Experiment in the Constancy of Love)
- House, actually
- Bruno (Bruno the webcomic (http://www.brunostrip.com/bruno.html))
- Melanie Marcus (Queer as Folk)
- Susan Sto Helit

Most characters make me want to strive to change myself. I spent most of my formative years reading books and carefully (and in all seriousness) picking characters/character traits that I admired. And then pushing myself along those guidelines. My heroes were never real people. And they were never entire people. They were a patchwork quilt of wit, self-dependence, honour, aristocracy, and what in hindsight I can see was probably a regrettable amount of glorified emotional retardation. Go me.

I think at the moment I resent all the books that said falling in love was easy. Not being in love, not fighting for it and living with it. But the falling. Wisely or unwisely, it was just...there. Effortless. Even if Keeping Oneself Closed Off was your Defining Character Thing, it would still happen.

Stupid fiction :P

[brynnmck.livejournal.com]

Here's one I've been thinking about lately: why do you tell stories, and what kinds of stories do you like to tell? (Or hear/read/watch, etc.)

[schiarire.livejournal.com]

If a long, healthy, financially stable life were a given, would you do anything differently?

[schiarire.livejournal.com]

Also: your first crush. Describe. I know there was one, but the history is mysterious to me.

[nextian.livejournal.com]

Iiiii am so intrigued in ways I cannot express. ^^ That is very cool, and I will file it away.

The last Lucifer part is especially interesting to me because ... it happened vice versa to me, kind of.

(Sometimes I want to do a study on how writers shape their writing and vice versa, and then I remember you can't actually use anecdotal evidence to do a good psychological study, but shh.)