BSG S2 squealing

[fahye]

Following a mofo shopping expedition last night to buy staggering amounts of food for our housewarming party this evening, I am here cleaning showers and bathrooms and things for my mother to try and recover some money. Currently on an Internet break. Now I can get on with the really important part of this update.

Presenting: my immediate reactions to Battlestar Galactica S2, up to 'Home, Pt. 2'. Because that is as far as I managed to get last night before my sanity interrupted and told me to go to sleep.

This was pretty much typed directly into a text file as I was watching, and is unedited. Yeah, it's probably about as ridiculous as you suspect it is.

Spoilers, obviously, but most of them are heavily disguised in cryptic capslocking.



'Scattered'

- new credits! ooh!
- suspicions aroused by gratuitous hand-shot in KLG2 COMPOUNDED by 'oops, Gaeta lost the fleet'.
- I'm with Gaius. those parental issues are PROBLEMATIC.
- Lee's principles are sexy. so are his bloody hands and his EMO SHOUTING.
- I don't know who this tousled med-chick is, but she appears to be the lovechild of Jack and Kate. No, really.
- Hey. Hey HEY. Lovechild of Orlando Bloom and Christian Bale, I don't know who you are either, but I hope you don't die. Considering that I've never seen you before...I'm not getting my hopes up.
- poor stupid Crash. NO. NO, DON'T SEND CHRISLANDO OFF ALO- goooood, Chief. Good.
- has Kara's hair grown in the last (technically) TWO MINUTES? I think it has. Whoa. KARA, I MISSED YOUR AWESOME SELF.
- awww, Heloooooooo. you and your earnest sexy defensiveness.
- 'Bitch took my ride!' HEE.
- SPLEEEEEEEEEN. ahem.
- I'm sorry, I'm having trouble taking this whole imminent death thing seriously. Adama's flashback-moustache makes me giggle uncontrollably.
- *sniffles* I feel really, really sorry for the Sharon Valerii part of her.
- WAAAAAAH CHRISLANDO! *sighs* Why am I not surprised? Aw, Cally and the Chief are buddycopping! Uh, Chief, the other dude needs that stuff. Accept that he makes a pretty corpse and MOVE ON. YOU TELL HIM, CALLY.
- EVERYONE in this show has nice arms. Hello, Gaeta. Hello, Dee's hair.
- OH, LEE. I love you when you're angry and idealistic.
- I miss the interior stretchy-creepy FTL effects. We've seen the Galactica turn into a blip of light enough times.
- Aaaand it's another med-chick! They're just crawling out of the woodwork this episode! I approve.
- Awww, religious Marine! This episode keeps going off in interesting directions. And so many crises. Soooo many. GO, MED-CHICK! GO!
- Be still, my heart! Med-chick and Gaeta deserve big big trophies. Tigh deserves a smack on the head so he stops these inconveniently disorienting flashbacks to a RANDOM DOOR. And...post-coital...uh...oh, okay, so it's not Adama in the bed. My mistake.
- COME ON, PEOPLE, YOU JUMPED WITH A CYLON SHIP ON BOARD, DOES NO-ONE REALISE THIS? AHAH. YES. LOOK! TOOOOASTERS!
- Conclusion: not enough Kara and Helo, bizatches. I want my pilots back.

'Valley of Darkness'

- Billy is just as clueless as ever. Awwww. Dee, how is your heart not melted? These two are the most...realistic?...couple, I think. Humanity's OTP, I STILL BELIEVE IN YOU!
- Dude. This season is just one disaster after another, so far.
- NO, DUN KILL THE NUGGETS!
- Kat and Hotdog were totally performing some totally unnecessary version of mouth-to-mouth up that ladder. Just sayin'.
- LISTEN TO THE LADY, RELIGIOUS MARINE.
- He is become Apollo, god of war! Duh duh duh duuuuh!
- Kara and Helo! Hurrah! Snark! And yeah. Her hair totally changed both length and style in those two minutes. That Caprica air. Works wonders.
- I feel we can sum up the entirety of this episode with "situation: frakked"
- Uuuuuh. Gaius? You may have been knocked on the head harder than we thought. Or else you've leaked too much blood FROM YOUR NECK.
- Real subtle message, hallucination. Reeeeal subtle. ADAMA IS TEH EBIL, HE WILL KILL YOUR BABBIES!
- *grumbles* Human sacrifice WHAT. Just frak up my beautiful mythology, why don't you. SHE IS CYLON, SHE LIIIIIES! Yeah. Okay. Good.
- Apollo has no patience for your whining, pitiful knuckle-dragger.
- OMG. KARA. DO THAT AGAIN. *rewinds* KICKYDOOR! WHEE! And the ART and the MESS and the MUSIC. Oh, Kara. Break my heart. That's right. Poor Helo is totally unequipped to deal with Kara!angst.
- Her rank? Eh? Neat trick, Laura. Laura and Lee are the only two people on this ship with any sort of crisis management capabilities. Oh, and Gaeta.
- Hadrian's still alive? They couldn't have killed off Hadrian? Come ooooon.
- CHIEF AND CALLY. SO MUCH LOVE. picnic in the forest whilst everyone else is off being invaded by toasters. nice.
- OMG GO CRASH. You yell some sense into his hallucinating head! You do that!
- Katejack med-chick (Forest Version) looks like whatsherfuck. From Run Lola Run. Franka Potente! She and British med-chick (Battlestar Version) should get together and have med-chick love, but that is mostly because I feel the show's lesbian quota is sadly in need of filling.
- are these captions as to whereabouts in the ship we are meant to be...helpful? enlightening? they're failing.
- PARTY IN AFT DAMAGE CONTROL! I'LL BRING THE CHIPS AND SALSA!
- Are they gonna kill the Religious Marine? They are, aren't they. Or Jammer. Or both. Uh. Now I'm confused as to who is where. HELPFUL CAPTIONS? HELLOOO?
- Kara's truck? Kicks so much ass. Not that I expected otherwise. I bet it has a killer stereo, too. ROAD TRIIIIIP.
- See, Billy, all a man has to do is carry some heavy weaponry around in his trousers and he is rewarded with making-outage in the infirmary! Boy, does that sound dirty.
- Conclusion: still not King. I mean. Still depressing as all getout.

'Fragged'

- going by the title, I'm going to make a stab and guess that things get EVEN WORSE.
- flashback to Chrislando! I hope he's a Cylon. I really, really hope he's a Cylon. I am so shallow.
- veil of tears...note to self. this episode has funeral rites in it.
- death on Kobol leads to oblivion in the Cylon's eyes. also important. Six has a sexy funeral suit. er. less important.
- Dogtags...aww. Crash + Chrislando 4eva. it strikes me that these comments are getting more numerous, and also more ridiculous. MORE TEA NEEDED.
- I must say, I approve of this whole ER angle they're going in for. scifi AND politics AND snarky love AND lostinnaforest AND medicial drama. it's like they took all of my favourite shows and shoved them together!
- Gaeta: YOU GOT LAAAAID! Dee: YAHUH! Tigh: WHY AREN'T YOU IN THE BRIG?!
- Hee, Billy attempts intrigue! He and Lee should start a Roslin fanclub. With buttons. And secret handshakes.
- I must say, Gaius' mind-scenes are kind of freaking me out. I miss his pimp suit. And Six's sexy red number. BE A MAN, NOT A WEASEL!
- Katejack's hair is getting kind of wild. Crash's scratches should NOT be that bright red, after all this time. I am so anal.
- OMGHITOM! HIIIII, TOM! That neckthing makes you look very distinguished.
- WTF, Ellen. Get away from the crazycancerprez. She might bite your nose off. Actually, that would be amusing. I'm sure the Religious Marine would be entertained. The poor boy gets so little fun.
- Crash: *drags up the longest words in his vocabulary* Con-tin-u-ous-ly or in-ter-mit-tant-ly? (Sorry, Crash. I do like you. You have a really sexy pout.)
- DENTAL SCHOOL? DENTAL SCHOOL! OMG. CALLY, I LOVE YOU.
- I take that back. Crash, you're an ass. A pedantic ass. And the Chief has such - a - good - grasp of group dynamics.
- note to self: Gemenon believes in the literal truth of the Scriptures.
- SHUT UP, ELLEN! SHUT. THE. FRAK. UP. I am so sick of the Tighs.
- WHOOHOO! Religious Marine joins the ranks of the Roslin fanclub. Initiation rite: drug smuggling.
- ...whoa. Okay. I didn't see THAT one coming. He and Chrislando can drink ambrosia and bum around in the afterlife.
- omgwtf Katejack! ruuuuun, Katejack! they're getting very carried away with this whole guerilla aspect.
- MUFFINBOY. Ahahahahah. Tigh gets amusement points for that. But it does not negate the awesomeness that is Tom Zarek.
- Lee Adama, bringing cleanliness and order to the bloodied masses!
- Six, honey? You would make a frakking awful conscience. YOU KILL BABBIES. No, I'm not letting that go.
- Conclusion: Yup. Fragged. TOTALLY fragged. Someone needs to throw both Tighs out an airlock. I nominate Lee, Bringer Of Justice And Cleanliness. Kara and Helo element = still FAR TOO LOW.

'Resistance'

- Oh. Oh. This is the Blanders episode, isn't it? Huh. I am keeping an open mind.
- I think I'm just going to close my eyes and pretend Tigh is a bad dream. Jesus.
- aaaaand we're back to me feeling really, really sorry for Sharon.
- I SPY THE LEGS OF BLANDERS! Okay, that was a guess. AHAHA. It was a GOOD guess.
- Um. Blanders is kind of really hot *hides from fandom*
- There is no way Kara's hair still looks that good. NO WAY. NOOO WAY. Aw, I love Kara and Helo. They do buddycopping so well.
- GAIUS HAS A SUUUUUIT AGAIN. AND GLASSES. SMEXY! Shut up, Six, you're throwing off his groove. Gaius seems to spend his time being emotionally blackmailed by women.
- Six and Ellen went to the same male-manipulation school. "THEY DON'T RESPECT J00!"
- Everybody loves Apollo! APOLLO FOR (SEXY MINION OF THE) PRESIDENT! Dee's blossoming crush is totally understandable.
- I love how the humans are playing shootout and nobody has even been wounded yet. It makes it all seem like such fun.
- Okay, Blanders, you're less hot from that camera angle. OMG, Kara is the booooomb. Anders' blossoming crush is also totally understandable. Really, we cannot blame these people for adoring the pilots.
- SHUT UP WITH THE OMINOUS PERCUSSION. Please. I have a headache.
- *cries for democracy* Where are Lee's Arms when you need them?
- That's it, Saul! Throw the woman out an airlock! DON'T KISS HER, FOOL! Oh my gods, why do the Tighs get the violent angry kissing? WAAAAASTE! GIVE IT TO THE PILOTS!
- Dude. That TELL ME OR HE DIES scene came out of nowhere. Gaius gets his menacing on!
- This whole prisonbreak plot is so damn cool *dances*
- It's the CELTIC ADAMATHEME! Only a few notes, but I heard it! Followed closely by exciting Prisonbreak Percussion. Bear McWhoosit really went to town this episode.
- Lee and Laura totally almost hugged then. Awsocute. And Billy's principles are almost as smexy as Lee's.
- Racetrack looks great in that uniform. Um. That is Racetrack, right? Anyway.
- Gaeta and Dee: undermining the idiot in charge, one little lie at a time. Booyah.
- OMGHIAGAINTOM! YOU LOOK SEXY IN THAT LEATHER JACKET. LAURA THINKS SO TOO. I CAN TELL. I am overusing the word 'sexy'. But Apollo & Roslin & Zarek should form a triumverate and rule the world.
- Shamefully...enjoying...pyramid scene...violent...body contact...
- OMGHIBILL! WE MISSED YOOOOOOOU!
- ........uh.......Cally?
- Conclusion: this may be a totally depressing season, but it's unpredictable. And I like that.

'The Farm'

- Oh, come on, 'Previously On BSG'. Kara and Blanders were totally not eyefucking that much last episode. You made that up.
- Kara-undies! *wolfwhistles* I can't decide whether to love or hate how we never actually see her deciding to sleep with anyone, just waking up and getting dressed. At least Anders is under no illusions about how likely she is to stick around.
- Awwww, Blanders is so...so...oh god. I like him. I really do. And I can see why Kara likes him, too, and she IS the kind of screwup to sleep with a hot guy on a whim. Wow. I am actually almost buying this storyline. Clearly, lack of Lee is making her horny and restless.
- *stares* Oh. Oh, that scene was done WELL. Yes. Kara's illogically perfect hair cannot protect her now. (Secretly, she is frakking Blanders for his illicit store of anti-frizz serum.)
- HURRAH, the ominous percussiony preview-montage is back!
- It's so nice to have you back, Bill, even though I just typed Billy by mistake.
- Awww, Tom. I missed your gratuitous mythology. You can keep up with that and stop being mean to Lee. Good boy.
- DECISIVE!LAURA INNA HOUSE. The grownups are all so cool lately.
- Is there some kind of school for spacedoctors where they all get renamed Simon?
- Holy fuuuuck. No wonder this Anders incident screwed with her head, man. She really does believe that everyone she touches goes boom.
- I am trying to work out what point Adama is making here, and...I'm not really succeeding. Boomer WAS a machine? Boomer WASN'T a machine? The Chief DID love her? He DIDN'T? I give up.
- Kara needs her hair back. I mean. The short hair. The long hair makes her look sulky and weak. And her backstory is HORRIBLE. But she's the only one whose backstory we GET, so...*shivers*
- Mmm, Zarek's jacket. He and Laura should have political babies with immaculate fashion sense.
- Helo: This is my pregnant stalker Cylon girlfriend! Anders: .... (I'm sorry. Helo and Anders make good buddycops.)
- Kara, I wish you would stop crying. Thaaaaaat's better. Get murderous on his Cylon ass.
- Uhh. What. Random euthenasia why? This scene has no point. And now Kara's crying again. I am sick of this plot. Move along.
- And we're back to the pretty apricot-coloured lighting of exterior Caprica! YAY. NOW STOP CRYING. Sharon is the only good thing about this scene and she's only there for two seconds.
- I am not sure why Adama is so fond of holding conversations with his collection of dead Cylons, but I'm sure it's unhealthy.
- Hurrah, Kara has her spunk back! HAHAH BE FRUITFUL. Silliest line ever. Closely followed by KARA IS SPECIAL. Frak off. And somehow Anders has found out that Sharon's a Cylon and...he doesn't care. Well. Okay.
- No, Blanders, you're not hot when you're being sentimental. You either, Kara. Go back to playing pyramid. I liked that. STOP WITH THE SENTIMENT. OH GODS, SHE'S CRYING AGAIN. CEASE AND DESIST. Aw, Blanders, you looked hot in that last shot. I still like you. I just never want to see you again.
- Conclusion: That was waaaaay too much to fit into one episode. That's why it's so hard to stomach, I think.

'Home, Pt. 1'

- You realise the majority of this will just be HOMG WHEN IS PILOTKISS?!?!?! Yeah. Fair warning.
- Uh. I just realised I've been watching all of these episodes on some ratio other than 4:3. Suddenly everyone looks less randomly stretched.
- ...wtf, it's Dumbledore's Arabian cousin. What the hell is he doing in the Quorum of Twelve? I don't remember him. I would have remembered that beard.
- AWWWW, LEE'S FACE! WHEN HE HEARS HER VOICE! HIS FAAAACE! PILOTKISS IMMINENT! CAPS LOCK ENGAGED! ROMANTIC MUSIC SWELLING!
- EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.
- This Mexican standoff really is the coolest thing ever. The percussion agrees with me.
- EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.
- (That was me rewatching the pilotkiss. Moving on.)
- Helo and Lee should ALSO buddycop. I have a feeling that Lee and Anders would get on really well if they met, and then they could all be the great buddycopping quartet! Except then Lee would get jealous and bite Anders' head off. C'est la vie. Pilots have my loyalty.
- Poor Kara. Adama got shot, Zarek has a sexy biker jacket and is suddenly on the side of good, and Lee is meeeeean.
- Stoppit with the walnuts, Adama.
- Ooh, reportergal has pretty new hair! Belia? Is that her name?
- Six is still wearing that brown thing. Tricia Helfer's body is still frightening. And Gaius looks hot this episode.
- Roslin's hair is so very very red all of a sudden. And she is so good at being ruthless. Mmm. I have run out of intelligent commentary. Brain was melted back during pilotkiss.
- ...Hotdog shot a rock WHY...oh, drills. EEEK. Kat! Kat! You're too pretty to die!
- Angry pilots. No! No! Get back to the kissing!
- Oh, Tom. I liked you better without an agenda, unlikely as the image was. BAD BIKER. NO BISCUIT.
- BAAAAAALL! Lee sniffs the ball. Lee smells the scent of another man! Lee, honey, you are so bad at broaching deep topics. DECLARATIONS OF LOVE ARE GOOD, HOWEVER. AWWWWW. MY HEART! KARA IS SO HAPPY. SOOOO HAPPY. ALL ILLS DISSOLVED BY LEE'S LOVE.
- Oh, man, I feel really sorry for this shitty new CAG. He knows he can't live up to Apollo. Poor kid.
- Zarek: The rabbit gave me a gun? Is he STUPID?
- Uh oh. Mythology. I think my beautiful fic-theory may be getting a challenge, but it's all so cryptic that I doubt it'll matter anyway.
- KABOOOOOOOOOOM. Buddycop time!
- Adama is...talking to his boat. Oh. Uh. Suddenly Dee is psychologist extraordinaire? Oh well. She tries so hard, even through the cliches. Dammit, I like everyone on this show. Except the Tighs. They still piss me the hell off.
- CELTIC ADAMATHEME AHOY!
- Conclusion: Lee Adama loves Kara Thrace. That is all.

'Home, Pt. 2'

- This music is...some weird variation of SHAGTHECAGLIA, only without the sex. Pity. Roslin looks...kind of insane. And why is Lee yelling? "MADAME PRESIDENT! I CANNOT HEAR YOU OVER THESE VIOLINS!"
- Helo: Heeeeeey, baby. It's a storm. Remember what we do in storms? Sharon: Men. You're so not getting any, foo', we're on a mission.
- Zeus...bloodshed...Athena's suicide...oh, frak it. This mythology just keeps getting messier.
- Six has abandoned clothing altogether! Well, that's a nice change. Gaius is clinging admirably to his rationality in the face of her nekkidity. Or. You know, not.
- The fuuuuuuuuuuck? Ponytail! PONYTAIL! Aw, Six, you look so cute! Also disturbingly like Jessica Simpson, but whatever. Omg. Best monologue ever. You tell him, Jessix.
- BILLY FOR PRESIDEEEEEENT! DEE FOR FIRST LADY! YES! YES YES YES!
- Oh, get over yourself, Lee. Cosy tent, nice forest, snarky Starbuck. WHERE IS THE BAD?
- Sharon and Helo are so adorable. So comfortable.
- Zarek's buddy is piss annoying. I am all about the one-line comments at the moment.
- You see what happens when you're sulky at her, Lee? She gets all nostalgic for Blanders. DOOOO SOMETHIIIIIING.
- I really like Jessix. I hope she sticks around.
- Ahahahahahah. Adamafest! Once again, Lee proves that he does dumbstruck better than anyone else ever. And Roslin and Billy are cute and Adama and Starbuck are cute and awwww, it's all just one big incestuous reunion party until Sharon shows up.
- Uh ohhhh. Messy. Helo and Chief and Sharon. SHE LOVES YOU, HELO! SHE DOES!
- Thank you for having a functioning brain, Zarek. They are sadly missing this episode. Although Adama&Roslin and Lee&Kara are excused on grounds that they are happily continuing the vaguely incestuous reunions.
- OH OH OH BAD. BAAAAAD. SHARON, DID ZAREK STEAL YOUR BRAIN? Oh. Okay. Not buying this. Not buying at all.
- Aaaaand I was right.
- So all we do is gather our manly men and...push! And make peace gestures in the form of suggestive comments at Starbuck. Good boy, Lee.
- It really IS a Synchronous March Of Destiny, isn't it? Wow.
- SO MUCH MYFFIC, SO LITTLE ACTUAL LOGIC! RON MOORE, YOU ARE WEIRD AND MY INNER ASTRONOMER IS CRYING IN PAIN.
- And it's time once again for the great and inspiring speech of Adama. And the return of Kara's hair! Blonde ponytails seem to be the order of the day. I approve. She and Jessix should have a sleepover.
- Aw, Jessix has been replaced by the snooty and sexy model again. I want the dorky tracksuit and the gigglefits back.
- Conclusion: Oh dear, it's 2am. Okay. Not watching any more. Have seen the myffic. All else can wait.