in which we abandon caps

[fahye]

acquired: 1092 words, comprising half an essay
required: a break to write
inspired: to do much? no

either the essay has eaten my ability to capitalise, or am channelling cummings

by the amount of poetry writing itself in my head lately the latter is possible

observe (sonnet):




in bed i see the sharp planes of your face
so smooth and perfect-white so very clean
with sharp cheekbones that cut me in one place
so easily i see your image, glean
your thoughts and wonder how you are: almost
too easy, like a note of e which i
can sing at whim - not d not f those ghost
notes which i waver on too low too high
where were we? your face smooth as printed type
and just as legible as white on black
on red (unread) like apples (far too ripe)
instead of asking you to take me back
i start to sing - beginning in a key
of f, and ending on a note of e

~

last two lines meant to be indented, but my html does not stretch to simple things like that

(have a horrible feeling it was the lucifer part of me writing that; what that says about our respective states of mind? not sure)

Comments

[ashen_key]

*applaudes*

As ever, I am in awe that you can pull off poetry.

[darthrami.livejournal.com]

Oooh. very nice.

[sanguia.livejournal.com]

... man, freya, this sonnet is really good. i've just read it about three times aloud and i LIKE it, it's clever, the metaphors WORK, striking images (especially the three colours applied to the type and the face) and the final couplet's a great conclusion to the little snatch of narrative. wow. i'm impressed, i'm not just being nice. this is really, genuinely good. if you made the title 'a note of e' the conclusion might get all circular-like and the repetition might make it even more satisfying that way, but you probably have a good reason for calling it observe. i really enjoyed this.

[fahye.livejournal.com]

*glows*

Wow. That means a lot, coming from you. Thank you. And, um, 'observe' isn't the title, it was more a sort of LOOKIT MY BRAIN PRODUCES POETRY.

I did, actually, call it 'a note of e' :D The lj-cut was the title.

You little genius you.