fahye: ([other] messing around in)
3. Your favourite quote

oh god I can't choose HERE HAVE THREE
Mate would have been Njiru's word for this: the state of which death is the appropriate and therefore the desirable outcome. He would have seen Hallet as being, in every meaningful way, dead already, and his sole purpose would have been to hasten the moment of actual death: mate ndapu, die finish. Rivers fingered his lapel badge, his unimpaired nerves transmitting the shape of the cadaceus to his undamaged brain, his allegiance to a different set of beliefs confirmed without the conflict ever breaking the surface of consciousness.

- from The Ghost Road by Pat Barker

The history of each story, then, should read almost like a weather report: Hot today, cool tomorrow. This afternoon, burn down the house. Tomorrow, pour cold critical water upon the simmering coals. Time enough to think and cut and rewrite tomorrow. But today - explode - fly apart - disintegrate! The other six or seven drafts are going to be pure torture. So why not enjoy the first draft, in the hope that your joy will seek and find others in the world who, reading your story, will catch fire, too?

- from Zen in the Art of Writing by Ray Bradbury

The way of art, after all, is neither to cut adrift from the emotions, the senses, the body, etc., and sail off into the void of pure meaning, nor to blind the mind's eye and wallow in irrational, amoral meaninglessness -- but to keep open the tenuous, difficult, essential connections between the two extremes. To connect. To connect idea with value, sensation with intuition, cortex with cerebellum.

- from 'Myth and Archetype in Science Fiction' in The Language of the Night by Ursula Le Guin

the full list )
fahye: ([eyai] one whispered winter day)
2. 20 facts about you

1. I have had this tab open for ages trying to think of good facts, and now I am going to randomly steal ideas from [personal profile] electrumqueen's list.
2. My fuck-off shade of red lipstick is Armani Silk in 10; my favourite everyday summer shade is NARS Niagara; my favourite everyday winter shade is Revlon Lip Butter in Sugar Plum.
3. For a while when I was younger I wanted to be an optometrist, and now I have no idea why.
4. I also wanted for a long time to be an English teacher who specialised in Shakespeare, and now I wonder why I ever dropped that idea.
5. I still haven't seen Ghostbusters. Or, come to think of it, Independence Day.
6. I wish I'd started reading historical and romance novels earlier in my life instead of buying into whatever internalised misogyny decided they were not worth my time, because DANG, the amount of enjoyment I've gotten out of those genres this year is awesome.
7. My footy team is the Sydney Swans. I don't have a team for any other sport, other than being vaguely interested in how the Australian cricket team is faring.
8. I made white chocolate and cranberry cookies yesterday and so far I've eaten, like, twelve. Maybe fourteen.
9. I played netball for a season in primary school, and then I ragequit because our team wasn't very good. I had, uh, ego problems.
10. Milk in tea weirds me out.
11. Today I made the decision to FINALLY start watching the Utena anime.
12. I have a large left lateral thoracotomy scar from heart surgery when I was a baby
13. I probably drink too much. Okay: I definitely drink too much.
14. I am very easily manipulated by things that are trying to be scary. Music. Haunted houses. The most transparently terrible sort of horror movie. And I have never seen the appeal in the adrenalin high to be gained from being scared; I just end up very cranky instead.
15. Thanks to my mother, I'm quite good at identifying birds.
16. Things that I will usually order if they are on a menu: homestyle baked beans, calamari, scallops, creme brulee.
17. Part of me would like to be a film actor simply so that I could wear amazing period dresses and have my hair done in awesome ways. I am a terrible actor. This would be a dreadful idea. BUT DRESSES. I could probably pull off playing some sort of royal lady with almost no lines; I could sweep around looking disdainful, I am good at that.
18. I'm in a terrible mood because I haven't finished any stories for months. All I seem to do is start things.
19. My car is a burnt-orange Ford Fiesta called Fernando. I like to imagine him as smug and flamboyant.
20. Asymmetry makes me feel itchy.

the full list )
fahye: ([other] mining & translating the light)
I am intrigued by this 30 posts in 30 days meme, if only because it is surpassingly more suited to a blog platform like DW than FUCKING TUMBLR.

1. Introduction and recent photo

Hello! As most of you on here know, I am Fahye, though I've started going by my real name (Freya) as well because I am the privacy-slack person my sixteen-year-old self was determined never to be.

Partly this is because I have published and, with any luck, will continue to publish, under the name Freya Marske.

I'm 26 and have been kicking around fandom for more than a decade. Of my two passports I identify more with the Australian one but have the highest hopes for the English one.

I'm a doctor; next year I'll take the first steps down the specialisation road and start training under the College of General Practice. I spend a lot of time wishing that fanfic writers would send me anonymous asks on tumblr so that I could answer their medical questions and stop their fic from being wrong about everything from stab wounds to sexually transmitted diseases, but I'm not sure of the best way to publicise my willingness to provide such a service.

I like nail polish, dresses, secondhand book shops, baking things, musicals, people assuming that I'm a natural redhead, and the cities of Sydney and London.

the full list )
fahye: ([other] is not that strange)
Hello, internet! It's officially September 12.5 (the 12th for her, the 13th for me) which means it's time for me to gush about my best friend in public, because this is our anniversary.

Our TEN YEAR anniversary, no less.

Ten years ago I was a baby sixteen-year-old, brand new to fandom, inhabiting an obscure corner of LJ where I wrote vaguely bad X/1999 fanfic and belonged to a Discworld RP and was soon to be a founding player at Milliways. I was still getting the hang of Making Friends On The Internet.

And then, via someone following a mutual friend's link and commenting on someone else's story, I met Ji.

At the age of nineteen I flew across the world on my own for the first time, all nervousness, to meet her; we watched House and Queer as Folk and went to Millicon and it was just as easy in person as it was online. Three years after that we met up in London and laughed over our inability to find a place to eat curry. And three years after that, we sat in the sun in Central Park.

We've written stories at one another, and RPed with one another, and written so many letters that I have shoeboxes bursting with them. We've made each other read countless books, and cheerfully explored our disparate tastes in music. We've watched movies and TV shows in tandem, from opposite ends of the world. We've known each other's lives in a silly amount of detail.

I love anniversaries. In six more years I will have known Ji for more than half my life, which is strange because it seems like she's always been in it. She's the one-person audience I'm always writing for. She's one of the greatest and kindest and most talented people I know, and she's made me better: at writing, at life, at being a full and decent human being. I love her and admire her and if we lived on the same continent I'd probably have tricked her into marrying me by now.

But even if it has to be once every three years, even if we never meet in person again: Cosmas, you've been one of the best things about this decade, my darling. Here's to many, many more.
fahye: ([science] the body is a roman thing)
I had grand plans to make a nice, thorough life update post today, as it's a day off. But I've just tumbled straight into one of the busiest terms, obstetrics & gynaecology; it's awesome work, I love it, but it's draining as hell on all fronts. Long hours, lots of dashing from one end of the hospital to the other, speculums and babies and constantly scrubbing for theatre. So today I'm in the immediate post-on-call daze of mumbling and slouching and wanting nothing more complex than tea and naps.

Plus, it's the job-hunting time of year for the medical community, and after dragging myself through the application process for general practice training, I've been offered a training spot in the ACT network (hurrah!). So I've spent all of today's available brainpower CV-polishing and calling and emailing and trying to persuade people that they want to show me their practices and interview me for jobs.

What else. I don't know. Brainblah. TV? Not watching anything at the moment.

Reading? Writing? Not much happening on either front.


fahye: ([other] write this down)
(as it were)

& resolving yet again to post more on DW/LJ, because as much as I am resigned to tumblr being Where Fandom Is at the moment, I still sigh into my pillow at night and yearn for the good old days.

I'm also going to use it for writing-accountability, because that worked quite well when I was racing towards my Fight Like A Girl deadline. Speaking of! Did you know that the ebook version of our little anthology is now generally available in the Amazon store? And that our wonderful editor April did an author interview with me on her book blog? (LOOK AT ME, ALL FANCY)

In just over a week (!!!) I will be hosting the fabulous [personal profile] littledust in her first ever international adventure. We plan to eat a lot, write a lot, plan ridiculous erotic romance novels a lot, and romp around Canberra and Sydney and probably some beaches as well, despite the fact that it is still winter here.

To that end, I have chosen her arrival as my self-imposed deadline for the Never Ending Hannibal Circus AU Why Did I Do This To Myself Oh God, which is sitting at 11,000 words. If I can get that done, I can then start to panic anew about two more upcoming deadlines, one of which is the Hannibal Big Bang (what was I THINKING) and the other of which is something original. If you think I have written a word of either of those latter two, your faith in me is touching but misplaced.

Plus I am determined to squeeze another chapter of the Merlin heist AU out of my soul within the next few months. I expect the bloody thing will be completed when I am, oh, thirty-five.
fahye: ([other] is not that strange)
1) I've totally lost track of who knows about this (the people I email? probably twitter??) but: I'm buying an apartment! It's a tiny one-bedroom place, buying off the plan, won't be ready to move into for at least another year. But it will be MINE, and it will be brand new, and the location is one that I didn't expect I'd be able to afford. Adulthood, Jesus Christ. I'm going to have a mortgage.

2) I listened to the 'Internet friendship' episode of [community profile] slashreport and I'm having a horrible fit of longing and self-pity about how much I miss hanging out with fangirls. I love my RL friends, but none of the ones I am in close proximity to are fannish at all. It was wonderful to hang out with people in the US last year -- even though by the time I ran into most of the Boston people I was in the midst of a severe introvert reaction and barely holding it together sociability-wise, SORRY -- and I am really sick of not having fannish friends on my CONTINENT, let alone in my city. I keep wondering if I should move to somewhere like Melbourne where I know a handful of fannish people and would be able to stumble across plenty more, but, well, a) incipient mortgage and b) work.

2a) How the fuck do people make friends on Tumblr? I DON'T GET IT. Which is a pity, because the Hannibal fandom seems 99% Tumblr-based (with the exception of the kink meme) and also full of cool people. How...do...connect??

2b) Dreamwidth, let's be friends. GROUP HUG. LEAVE A COMMENT.

3) I'm really liking my GP placement at the moment. I'm interviewing for the training program next weekend and am feeling very positive about it as a career path, especially considering the fact that it's easy to subspecialise as a GP in the two areas I like best (mental health and women's sexual/reproductive health).

3a) So many fucking adorable babies in clinic this week. "Yes, I must hold your child on my lap. It is important for...medical reasons. AREN'T YOU AN ADORABLE BALL OF GERMS, YES YOU ARE."

3b) How I have not yet come down with every virus under the sun, I have no idea.
fahye: ([luth] metal on our tongues)
I am getting super into this fandom, you guys. The show strikes a perfect balance between being gorgeous and dark and food-porny, and being kind of...endlessly mockable. And the fandom is also a balance: between wonderful fanart and lovely prose and intelligent analysis of body language or costume design, and a hot mess of confused kinksters and doomed romantics trying to do thinks like make 'Hanni' happen (stop. it's not going to happen.) and come up with ways to make it all OK in the end. SPOILERS: IT WILL NEVER BE OK.

Being Involved With A Fandom hasn't coincided with Having Enough Leisure Time For Fandom since I first discovered BSG, which was...whoa, a long time ago now. It's even made me venture into the territory of KINK MEMES, which I have never really enjoyed in the past, but it's good for me to try and produce short things for a change. (If you are in this fandom and you want me to write short things for you, LOB PROMPTS AT MY HEAD; some of them will probably stick.)

So far I have written one fill -- cleaned up and posted here -- and am gnawing on a few other tasty prompts.

(food metaphors: you can't avoid them in this fandom, it is one big circus of increasingly ludicrous cannibal puns)


did I mention

I am having a lot of AU cravings


The short version is: this fandom is perfect for me, I think I'll stay awhile.
fahye: ([science] the body is a roman thing)
Title: Medico della Peste
Fandom: Hannibal
Warnings: Mentions of cannibalism, violence, and general creepiness. So. Like the show.
Word count: 5191
Notes: Who let me into this fandom, it is so bad-good for me. Like chocolate mud cake. I want to write about EVERYONE, and from everyone's point of view, but we'll start with the good doctor himself, because who am I to pass up a chance to write about food, anatomy and commedia dell'arte?

The title & nominative metaphor are definitely the fault of this image here.

Also posted to AO3.

Will grasps the knife in his bloody hand and says, 'This is what you did to Abigail, isn't it?' )
fahye: ([eyai] one whispered winter day)
1) Outdoor Socialisation! The practice med student and I went to a nearby town for their monthly market and bought a shitload of foodie stuff. I now have a bottle of caramelised balsamic vinegar infused with persimmons and finger limes (I know) which I am going to put on fucking everything. Eggs. Salad. Ice cream. Whatever.

2) I watched Back to the Future for the first time. A+ viewing experience.

3) FINISHED THE HANNIBAL FIC. Will glance over it tomorrow and then post it; it's disgracefully self-indulgent and I don't caaaaaaare, I was long overdue a short and show-offy lyrical kind of piece and hopefully it will calm down that part of my writing brain for a while so I can concentrate on plottier things.

4) Did not die of aching muscles, though kind of wanted to. GYM. WHY.
fahye: ([luth] metal on our tongues)
I'm here in the tiny country town where I will be spending the next few months, trying to adjust to GP medicine from the hospital mindset. The town itself has a couple of nice coffee places, a library, and -- within a five-minute walk of my house! -- a gym, two large supermarkets, a Dan Murphy's, and a pizza place. So. There's the basics covered. No Thai restaurants, but what can you do :(

I have a lovely large house all to myself, two doors down from the GP practice. And by 'lovely and large' I mean 'spacious and creaky'. I can't shake the feeling that I'm inhabiting the first few chapters of a Gothic novel. Branches keep knocking in a terribly Poe-esque way against the windows of the kitchen/dining room -- the only room where the wifi works well enough for me to set up my computer.

It's a good, modern kitchen though. I made epic amounts of tomato sugo tonight and threw zucchini and mushrooms into it, and then I salt-scrubbed and re-seasoned the rusty steel wok I stole from my parents (what sort of self-respecting kitchen lacks a wok? how do you cook anything??) and now I am drinking apple cider and contemplating unpacking the rest of my suitcase.

Maybe I will stare at my Hannibal fic some more first.
fahye: ([xm] la magie noire)
1) I've reached the skittish, attention-hopping part of writing something, when I'm close enough to finishing that my mind has already dismissed it and wandered on to the next three things. I have to keep dragging myself back and grimly adding another paragraph or two.

2) At least one of the next three things wants to be HANNIBAL fic, because my abiding love for the two Harris novels I've read & reread (Silence of the Lambs and Hannibal) has collided with my brand-new love for Hugh Dancy's ridiculous face and my deep, deep appreciation for the show's creepy aesthetic choices.

3) I was very unwell for about 24 hours yesterday, and in some kind of fever-fit decided to start reading reams of hockey RPF. I DON'T EVEN CARE ABOUT HOCKEY. OR PEOPLE WHO PLAY HOCKEY. AT ALL. This is like that time I accidentally fell into SG:A fic with zero canon knowledge and stumbled out after 72 hours with the world's most epic fandom hangover.

4) Work is work. In a couple of weeks I'm moving to the country for a three month term, which I'm really looking forward to.

5) ...my hair is really great at the moment? I've had so many compliments and felt so good about myself since going copper-red, which is a lot to get out of a superficial change, but part of me has always wanted red hair and is giddy with finally attaining it. (I think it's the thirteen-year-old part of me that read nothing but fantasy novels for the first two years of high school, and imprinted hard on Fiesty Red-Headed Heroines.)


7 Apr 2013 08:14 pm
fahye: ([other] messing around in)



Guess what I bought today?

The full answer is a bit alarming, because I have a tendency to wait for a month and then get all of my shopping out of the way in a florid burst of expenditure. So as well as an iPad, I also bought:

- a leather folio for it
- an ultrathin keyboard case
- three books (Ray Bradbury's We'll Always Have Paris, Patricia Highsmith's The Talented Mister Ripley and Jill Stark's High Sobriety; the last is a memoir by a health journalist who went from constant binge drinking to a year of abstinence, and I might do a thinkier post when I've finished reading it)
- some goodies from Lush (bubble bars, hair conditioner, face wash)
- The Lion in Winter on DVD, HUZZAH \o/

But mostly: iPad. It's to replace my old eeePC, which served me well through medical school and then served my brother equally well through his last couple of years of law school, and the charger of which died an alarming, explosive, lingering-smell-of-burned-plastic death last week. It also means I finally have a vehicle for reading ebooks. I WILL NEVER GET ANYTHING DONE AGAIN.
fahye: ([p&r] tell me another)
I SURVIVED THE WEEK. It's been madly busy, and next week will probably be worse (my neuro team is on take for two weeks in a row, UGH; if everyone in the city could maybe hold off on having strokes, migraines or meningitis for another six days or so, that'd be grand) so I need to have an intensely relaxing weekend, I think.

There will be beef fajitas. And a Patricia Highsmith book. And I might go and buy a proper box of that chilli-infused black tea I sampled a while back, and make many spicy pots of it.

And write.

What are your plans for the weekend, o flist?
fahye: ([eyai] as wide as the sea)
Whatever it is, I seem to be labouring under the delusion that I can replace it with white wine, the Of Monsters & Men album, and long periods of staring with ever-plummeting optimism at an unfinished story.


I'm still not very good at the idea of first drafts; I've never really overhauled a story, once written, on any level more than sentence-tweaking or the occasional added paragraph. I can't get over my tendency to fret and stall because what if I don't get it right, what if it can't be fixed?

Plus, nothing pulls me out of the writing process faster than the conviction that I'm Writing Poorly.

Anybody got any non-alcohol-related advice for ways to shut up the inner critic for long enough to churn out the necessary words?
fahye: ([xm] la magie noire)
At the moment, I like working evening shifts. I have long mornings to amuse myself in, during which people on the other side of the world are USUALLY AWAKE (!) So I'm reading and writing and watching things; mostly movies that I have never seen before and feel that I should. So far this has included

- The Breakfast Club
- Roman Holiday
- Strangers on a Train
- Lion in Winter

all of which I LOVED. I can't believe it's taken me this long to see LiW, especially, it was one long glorious ride of clutching-my-hands-to-my-face delight. TIMOTHY DALTON. HOW DARE YOU.

& so then I screeched at Ji about Philip of France and how he is basically Thom with better taste in silk shirts, and then we had a fervent renaissance of feelings about everything and I started writing a very violent fic which will be of interest to, uh, not many people.


Does anyone want to rec me their favourite old/classic movies? Chances are good I haven't seen them.

For example: today I intend to watch GHOSTBUSTERS. for the first time.
fahye: ([orig] mistress of an empty kingdom)
I wrote 129 words tonight. At this rate I'll be done by...July...

& there's not much else of note to add to this post! It is the WEEKEND, I am going to sleep for decadent amounts of time and maybe bake something, the usual. We watched Hysteria tonight, it was fabulous. I just finished rereading Moon Tiger for possibly the third time and am about to move on to Robin McKinley's Sunshine which I finally found at the library. I am waiting impatiently for my tax return so I can buy an iPad.
fahye: ([eyai] as wide as the sea)
These past two days have been WRITING FAILURES; I am yet to master the art of writing in spare moments, at the drop of a hat, etc. so any significant event during the evening messes with my motivation. Yesterday it was stitch-and-bitch-and-book-club, tonight it was a GP seminar on internet-based CBT services.

Plus work is super busy & draining at the moment, oof.

I am not working over this coming weekend, so hopefully writing will occur then :)


19 Mar 2013 09:58 pm
fahye: ([orig] visita interiora terrae)
Only 203 words today, but the original thing is still growing, albeit slowly!

Something a bit exciting: the editor of the anthology is offering a separate story of mine as a stretch bonus which will be included if we reach $10,000 on the Kickstarter! It's an older story, not the magical library one, and it's had the dust blown off it and been tightened up for the sole purpose of including in a project about strong women.

Work is very busy and tiring at the moment, but I'm working with a good team of people and that makes an enormous difference. I think I'll go and read a few Carol Ann Duffy poems before bed :)
fahye: ([other] mining & translating the light)
Nothing yesterday apart from a ridiculous session of [personal profile] littledust and I planning the next thing we want to co-write, which probably shouldn't count.

But! Tonight, 681 words on my Fight Like a Girl story \o/ Well done, self. Keep at it, self. Try to stick to the bloody word limit this time, self.

(As you will see from the above link, we are now PAST OUR GOAL! Thank you so much to everyone who helped out. And if you haven't, and you're still interested in getting your hands on a copy of the anthology, there's still 19 days left to contribute.)

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